Six months ago today my ex-wife Tomi left me because she felt her affair with coworker Chris Kareis would provide her with more happiness than remaining married. It’s hard to beleive that it has been six months. Part of me feels like it was just yesterday that the two of us were making plans for the future. Talking about our pending five year anniversary. Enjoying our lives together. Another part of me feels like it’s been a lifetime since that date.
I have a hard time remembering what she looked like. I’ve tried very hard to forget the sound of her voice. I’ve done all I can to erase my memories of her. I can only assume that this is how most victims of traumatic events cope. I still remember her laugh… and the way she used to say “I love you” to me. I can’t seem to block those out. And unfortunately when I remember those things, it still makes me sad that she is gone.
But the sadness lasts much less than it used to, and I feel like the more time is placed between now and then, the less I miss her and the more I realize that the future is brighter without her. In many ways, I feel pity for her. Anyone that does what she did does deserve pity, because really, they will never be happy. They can’t be. How could they? They will always know in the back of their minds that they are bad people. Pathetic people. And though I had such a horrible thing happen to me, I can still hold my head high that I’m not someone like her. I have dignity, where as she and Chris do not, and never will again.
So when I find myself missing her now, I know that I’m missing who she was, not who she is. And this is what she is, an adultress. She will never be anything else for the rest of her life. This event is what defines her now, not just to me, but to herself as well. And that’s unfortunate.