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Back with another exciting installment of Auto Text! Eric and I discuss the Nissan Altima Coupe and the Hyundai Genesis Coupe.

Eric: Why can’t the Altima Coupe be RWD with a 2.0T and a 6-speed? Why Stephen? Why?

Stephen: Because the world hates you. Besides, just get a Genesis Coupe.

Eric: But the Altima Coupe is so much sexier. Kind of an awkward ass, but I can forgive that.

Stephen: Yeah, I know. But do you love what’s on the inside? I mean, she may be a pretty face but does she make you smile? The Genesis Coupe may not have the looks, but she’ll keep you happy.

Eric: Ms. Altima could make me smile in SR trim with a V6. But at that point she really let herself go with the weight and that gold digging $32k sticker. The Genesis accepts me for who I am in 2.0 R-spec trim for $10k less and she makes me laugh and feel young again. Do you know what it’s like to laugh like that?

Stephen: To laugh like you’re young and free without a care in the world? Son, I drive a Miata. I know.

Eric: How I long for that unbridled passion. How could I even think of that money grubbing Altima when the sweet Genesis is at my beck and…
OMG Integra what are you doing home so soon? I.. I was just looking at this C&D Genesis article for Stephen… No, it’s got nothing to do with you! Honey, come back here!

Stephen: Eric, you’ve got to man up and tell Teggy that you’re growing apart. That you have adult needs that she can’t fulfill. You want to do power slides and lay down insane patches of rubber. You want 50/50 weight distribution. You want boost! She needs to know it’s not her, it’s you.

Eric: I know. I’ve tried but she gets so angry and yells at me. Deep down, I’m scared to leave her.

Stephen: Some times, Eric, bold action is the only way.

Eric: Some day. But not today. Shhh… She might hear us.

Stephen: I’ll pray for you.

Eric: Thanks.

Continuing our often slightly off color automotive texting, Eric and I discuss the Ferrari 458 Italia:

(Photo © 2010 richebets; used under a Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic license)

Stephen: Outside of our usual area of interest, but what are your thoughts on the 458 Italia (aside from being flaming hot)?

Eric: Makes me pretty hot in my pants. Prettier then the F430 and I didn’t think that was possible. Way hotter than the 360 Modena. Puns not intended.

Stephen: I think between the California and the Italia the Italia is far more attractive. And let’s face it, for folks like us who cares about the performance of a Ferrari. All we ever get out of them is eye candy. Just like freshman coeds. That’s not to say I wouldn’t flog a 599 GTB like the naughty exchange student she is.

Eric: Well put.

My friend Eric and I are members of the automotive enthusiast fringe. The weirder, harder to find the better. This is an absolutely hilarious text message exchange we had the other day regarding one of my favorite websites, Bring a Trailer.
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Eric: Dude, what have u done? Bringatrailer.com is cocaine. I Keep telling myself I have it under control.

Me: Yes… Yes it is. That Cosworth gave me a redwood.

Eric: Oh yeah! and the 953 Rally! Boing! I can stop any time.. I can stop any time.

Me: Snooort.

Eric: Oh yes… (wipes blood from nostril) thats it right there

Me: Rusty pipe? Been awhile since you thought about buying a 30 year old 25k garage find?

Eric: Apparently. I usually fap to the stuff on hemmings site, but this stuff is more kink… I mean unique

Me: Its kinda like 8mm snuff films, I know. The stuff on Hemmings is so pedestrian and clean. You have to be really out there to like BaT.

Eric: Oh yeah. It makes me feel so dirty.. and I love it. I also love our seemless transition from drug to sex innuendo

Me: Sex, drugs and rusty cars baby!